Life of a Dancing Engineer

Self Confidence.

When I started dancing, I had very little. Looking back, I observe that there was a positive-feedback loop between my dancing and my self confidence. As I became better at dance, I gained more self-confidence, and the more self-confidence I gained, the faster and more easily I was able to make progress in my study of dance. I became unafraid of learning new and advanced things. I became confident that I could easily pick them up and internalize them. And the more success I had, the better I felt, and the better I felt, the better I danced and learned.

Last Thursday, I had a lesson with one of the instructors I’m seeing periodically, to develop perspective. He expressed a great deal of confidence in my dancing and in my ability to make progress quickly. This made me feel even better (I was already on a cloud when I came into the studio), and consequently, I danced very well. He threw a lot of new things at me, and I was just able to follow him, without my own hangups about my ability/current level getting in the way. I got out of my own way, so to speak, and let myself reach further than ever before, further than I would have thought I could reach. I surprised myself, and I might have surprised him too.

Fast forward to Friday night. The last dance of the night was a Waltz, and my primary teacher asked me to dance. He danced Standard instead of the social dance he has been doing with me lately at the dance parties. He seemed to sense that I was really feeling good about it, and he started improvising with lots of higher-level stuff, towards the end of the dance, he must have done 8 or 9 pivots in a row, and the whole thing felt really really invigorating. He seemed very pleasantly surprised by how well I was able to follow him.

The next morning, during our private lesson, he (my primary) did the same thing. He pushed me, and did a lot of steps I’d never done before, including a bunch of open stuff (including steps that I’d seen professionals dancing at competitions – with my eyes wide with amazement as I watched). This was like the perfect icing on the cake that was my week dancing. I felt so good. I was having so much fun, I was smiling, and giggling, and I really couldn’t have been happier. For the next few days, everybody kept asking me what my big secret was? Why was I sooooo happy!? (It went beyond happy, I was downright giddy!).

I was happy about the dancing, and I was happy about the accomplishment I felt inside, for being able to learn all of this really advanced stuff that I was being taught. And I was really happy because my instructors were trusting me to learn it! And that trust that I felt from them, it made me feel that much more confident, not confident that I was this amazing dancer, but confident that I could learn this stuff, confident that I could put aside my hangups and smile and just do it, and feel great about it! Confident that I wouldn’t disappoint my teachers, and confident that in the future, if this mutual-trust (them trusting me, and me trusting myself) continued, I could become a really great dancer.

Fast forward to Tuesday. I took a Bronze/Silver International Quickstep group class. The focus of the class was on teaching the V6. I’d never done the V6 before, but I was confident that I could learn it. It seemed pretty simple, it goes natural spin turn, forward lock, change of direction with a brush, back lock, natural turn.

I didn’t have any problem with the way that the class was taught, but I did begin to realize something. Something that my primary teacher had actually predicted, back when I first mentioned that I was thinking about taking Standard group classes. He had said that he was worried that I might pick up bad habits from the other Amateur dancers, and that he thought I could get more out of taking one private lesson, than I could get out of taking many group classes. I said I wasn’t sure, because I wanted to learn what it was like to dance with other amateurs, and I said that I was curious about whether or not the format of the group class would help me to learn more quickly. I needed to see for myself.

Well, I learned that with respect to the way that I learn, he was very very right (as I explain, in depth, in this post).

So, after leaving that group class, I decided to visit him (my primary) for a quick chat (he had wanted to talk to me about coaching for our showcase anyway, so it seemed like a good time to talk).

The first thing I said to him was “Well, you were right! I’m cancelling my unlimited monthly group membership!” I went on to explain that after a few tries at taking Bronze/Silver Standard group classes, I was convinced that he was correct in his estimation that I would get more out of a single private lesson than I would out of many (International Standard) group classes.

To my surprise, instead of being happy that I came to understand and agree with his viewpoint, he shocked me with what he said next. He looked at me condescendingly, and said “I hate it when Amateurs compare themselves to other amateurs. You are not an open-level dancer either.”

I felt like I was about to cry. I was using the exact reason for cancelling my group package that he used to warn me against signing up for it in the first place! That other amateurs aren’t as good as him and might lead me to develop bad habits due to my heavily bodily/kinesthetic oriented learning style doesn’t make a comparison between myself and the other amateurs, it makes a comparison between him/other professionals and other amateurs.

I had mentioned that I felt like the students in the group classes were pushing me through the steps, and falling into me, and didn’t have good balance, and that these things were going to lead me to develop bad habits, instead of reinforcing the good habits that I form when I dance with him; but, I didn’t mention it to tout a comparison between them and myself — I mentioned it to illustrate his own point. He added, sarcastically: “and you are never off balance or falling through steps?”

Needless to say, I felt awful. I felt like the way he said what he said was meant to ‘take me down from my high-horse,’ though I didn’t feel like I was on one. I felt like I had the most confidence I had ever had in my dancing, and in my ability to learn, but by no means did I feel like I was a great dancer yet, or that there wasn’t a *ton* more for me to learn about every aspect of dance, or even that I was by any stretch of the imagination ready to begin competing in the open division. I just felt like I was finally waking up to my potential, and having the self-confidence to learn how to really tap into it and learn faster because of it. And that eventually, I would be where he felt the need to condescendingly remind me I’m not.

That he said that I’m not an open-level dancer shouldn’t, and doesn’t really impact my self-confidence. I already knew that I wasn’t. One lesson just starting to learn open steps for a showcase is exciting, but it takes time to really learn and refine any new technique.

But, the way that he said it, has really given me a blow to my self-confidence, and my general demeanor. Try as I might, I’ve felt low since he said it. Some other things that have happened in my life, which would have rolled off my shoulder amidst the glee that I felt last weekend, have not, they have really hurt, and in their own way, they’ve made my self confidence drop too.

During the last two days, dancing has not been as care-free and giddy, and I haven’t been performing anywhere near as well as I was last week/weekend. And my instructors have noticed, and commented. Tonight, on our third lesson together, my non-primary instructor was surprised by how badly I danced, compared to our last lesson, and he said he felt like he should teach me like I am a beginner tonight.

I trusted my primary teacher to be supportive. I thought, if to nobody else, shouldn’t a passionate, hardworking, dedicated student be able to turn to their teacher for support and encouragement? I went to what I perceived to be a safe place, to express what I perceived to be good news, and I left feeling stupid and hurt.

I left feeling like my teacher who I trusted and looked up to felt like I was a nothing who thought she was something special.

I’ve felt this way before. I felt it often while growing up. But I really thought that I was finally getting over it, finally moving past it, finally in a safe place, where I belonged, with people with whom I had developed a sense of mutual trust and respect. Tuesday night felt like a blast from the past, and it shattered my image of my relationship with my teacher.

I know that I have to talk myself out of this. I know that physically, I’m no different than I was last weekend, and in most ways, everything I had then, I still have now. The only difference is my confidence. I know that I should be able to feel confident in myself, even if nobody else does.

But here I am, feeling broken, because somebody else said something not so nice to me (with a few more bad interactions with other people mixed in). How do I disconnect my emotions, and my feelings about my relationship with my instructor from how I feel about myself? I guess this is what I need to learn most, right now.

The self-confidence I developed through dance, fueled in-part by learning that other people, like my teachers, believed in me, was the one of the main ways that I came to be self-confident in other areas of my life, where I had always had low confidence. I guess that maybe when one of the pieces of the foundation of your house falls apart, it’s tough to hold the roof up if you don’t have enough other pieces that are able to stand on their own?

That would seem to make the answer that you need to build a bigger foundation, with more pieces which can stand on their own if you lose one… I guess my other teachers might help in that way, if they had known me long enough to have really been integrated into my foundation…

I guess that friends should also fit into that foundation, but since my relationship and it’s ugly breakup, I’ve felt disconnected from a lot of people. And, I have lost a lot of what made me feel whole before… like my hamsters, the sense that I was understood by someone else, and the feeling of being comfortable and happy at home.

I guess I have a lot of work to do, an uphill climb to attain real self-confidence, and to not close myself up to the world…

A couple of weeks ago, I read this paper, which talks about Gardner’s theory of multiple intelligences, as it relates to learning and teaching dance.

Since reading that paper, I’ve been thinking a lot about Gardner’s theory, as it relates to my own study of dance. The first thing I realized, was that my primary mode of learning ballroom dance is Bodily/Kinesthetic. In fact, I already knew this; I just didn’t have a name for it, until now.

Erik pointed out several months ago that he realized that I learned best when we just danced, without stopping so much to go into the details of what we were doing and analyze things. At first, I wasn’t so sure, but once we changed the format of our lessons to be primarily dancing, without much talk, I found that it was really much easier for me to learn, and that I was making much more progress with my analytical brain out of the loop. Before long, I was doing all sorts of new things correctly, without being conscious of them at all.

Back when I first mentioned that I was thinking about taking Standard group classes, Erik had protested; he had predicted that I might pick up bad habits from the other Amateur dancers. He said that he thought I could gain more by taking one private lesson, than I could by taking many group classes. I said I wasn’t sure, because I wanted to learn what it was like to dance with other amateurs, and I said that I was curious about whether or not the format of the group class would help me to learn more quickly, because it might complement the different type of learning that happens in our private lessons. I needed to see for myself.

Well, I recently learned that with respect to the way that I learn, Erik was very very right.

Within the framework of Gardner’s multiple intelligences, the structure of group classes usually focuses on several types of learning:

verbal/linguistic – the instructor usually spends a great deal of time talking about the steps, giving an in-depth explanation, and about gotchas and important things to remember.

visual/spatial – the illustration of the steps visually by the instructor, whereby they step through them, while the class watches. They might also include spatial queues such as references to orientation relative to line of dance, or relative to partner. Sometimes rotation/progression is also discussed/illustrated.

mathematical/logical – typically, instructors will give counts, like “1, 2 and 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.” Or, queues like “quick-quick-quick-quick,” or “slow-quick-quick,” while they dance through the steps.

bodily/kinesthetic – typically students in a group class will pair up and dance with a other students as dance partners (and generally, rotate at certain intervals). Some group classes also rotate the instructor through the students, which is a practice which I greatly prefer. Often, though, the instructor simply observes the students dancing with each other, and speaks about or illustrates any issues they see, rather than demonstrating them with each student by partnering with them for a minute.

musical – typically, musical intelligence is the last intelligence to be integrated (and I have yet to see it ever be truly focused on as a core teaching method in a group class) – generally, once the instructor is confident that the students have a grasp of the material, they’ll finally say “lets try it with music.”

Observing myself, and the way I learn, it has become increasingly apparent that, far and away, bodily/kinesthetic is my most effective intelligence for learning dance, and furthermore, it has become apparent that I am not getting as much out of Standard group classes as I had hoped that I might. That is not to say I can’t learn anything from them — but I think that taking Bronze/Silver Standard group classes aids my formal ability to teach other people far more than it does my own dancing.

I also realized something else, relative to my study of Standard. Not only does the instruction via the other four intelligences targeted by group classes not really give me a lot of bang for the buck, relative to private lessons; but, the input that I receive via the bodily/kinesthetic mode of learning (dancing with other amateurs), feels like it is actually setting me back (as Erik predicted it might). Because I’m so attuned to learning via feeling my partner’s body and the way he leads in Standard, I am also very susceptible to picking up bad habits by dancing with somebody who’s giving an incorrect lead.

For now, I think that Erik was right; that for me, Bronze/Silver group classes in Standard are generally not worth the time/money investment, when compared with private lessons. I don’t think this will always be the case, because I imagine that when the time comes, I’ll want to take classes to help me be a better teacher… but my first priority is to improve my own dancing, before I worry about teaching other people how to dance! 🙂

As an interesting aside, I don’t think this applies as much to the Smooth group classes I’ve been taking, for a few reasons:

• Firstly, because my private lessons have been focused on Standard, and some Smooth is better than no Smooth! (And, I’ve found that being proficient in Smooth, actually helps my Standard, in subtle ways).
• Secondly, because I think that Smooth, as a dance style, focuses more on visual/spatial intelligence than Standard does (when you’re apart from your partner, you’ve got to have an idea of where your body is, and where you’re headed!), so private lessons with their awesome bodily/kinesthetic input (a professional dance partner) lose a little bit of their advantage when compared to group lessons for Smooth.
• And thirdly, because Larinda’s Smooth group classes are at the Silver and Gold levels, and if I’m to be honest, the caliber of the dancers attending those classes is a lot higher than the dancers who were present in the Bronze/Silver Standard class.

Side-note: I would go so far as to make the argument that Standard, as a style, is best suited to primary Bodily/Kinesthetic learners, while Smooth, as a style, requires much more ability in Visual/Spatial learning. And, I think that’s one of the reasons why I took to Standard much more naturally than I did to Smooth.

Another interesting side-note is that Larinda’s smooth classes are very atypical, in that she plays music during the majority of the class. I wonder if the increased presence of music in her teaching style is an aid to me when taking her classes?

I’ve been dancing Silver Standard for a bit over a week now… and it’s a lot of fun! I learned the Studio 665 Silver Waltz, Foxtrot and Tango routines today, which was a blast… it’s going to take a lot of work to really perfect them, but the more progress I make, the faster I seem to be able to make it, kind of like a snowball effect.

I’m sure that this will level off eventually, and I’ll come to a point of frustration, where I feel like I’m not making progress again, but I don’t think that will ever actually be the case — I’ll just be making progress in ways I won’t be able to detect at that moment in time, but eventually, it’ll all hit a critical mass, and I’ll feel it again. And the cycle will continue to repeat! 🙂

I really think that one of the most important keys to my current progress is the diversity of all the different forms of dance I’m studying. Ballet is helping a lot with strength and balance, so much so that week to week, I feel changes I didn’t think were possible in such a short time-frame. Modern and Jazz are helping me to feel more free, and to appreciate another side of what dance means to me. I’m then bringing that sense of freedom into the Smooth classes I’ve been taking for the last month (which have all been in Silver and Gold Tango, so far), and it’s allowed me to make tons of progress in Smooth, in a very short time, even though I really had no background in it to start from.

Learning to appreciate Smooth, has helped my Standard, because it’s given me a greater appreciation for the solo-dance aspect of all dance. Standard heavily focuses on close-connection partner dance, but being a good solo dancer is still important. Understanding your alignment relative to line-of-dance is far more important than I ever realized. Really knowing and understanding your own movement, without being dependent upon your partner for everything is something that Smooth requires. And just like many learning Smooth dancers suffer from a weak partner-connection in closed-hold (something that Standard focuses on), as a Standard dancer, I have been relatively weak with respect to knowing my own orientation and position, where I should be, and how I should get there, if my partner weren’t directing me so skillfully. I’ve compensated for that by listening really closely to my partner’s body, which is a great way to dance; but, Smooth is teaching me how much better I can be if I also understand how to get to the right positions on my own.

Gosh, everything is just so interconnected, and I LOVE it! I’m even learning things from West Coast Swing which help my Standard. It’s wonderful!

I was just browsing through some old photos on Facebook, and it just so happened that there was a photo of me competing in tango, in promenade position, where my dress is aligned towards the camera (though my partner is covering most of me!)… followed directly the next photo, which was a concept mock-up of the kind of dress I really wanted, before I bought my dress! In the end, they differ in a lot of ways, but they are actually quite similar, which is pretty neat, since I ended up buying my dress second hand, rather than having it made as I originally intended. Without further adeu, the photos, for comparison~ 🙂

I wrote this letter to my dance instructor Erik, but after writing it, I realized I probably should have written it to myself, like a diary! So, here goes… My first dance diary post! (Changed ever so slightly, to protect the innocent! 😉 )

Dear Dance Diary,

Today my morning Ballet and Jazz classes were canceled due to the snowpocalypse, that never actually arrived. *frown*

In the evening, I went to Balera for Tango and V.Waltz group classes, and had a blast!

I was (apparently due to the blizzard? conditions) the only student who showed up, so the teacher did a private lesson with me for most of the time of the two classes. She was much shorter than me though, so instead of a normal lesson with partner dancing, we did it more like a question and answer session. I asked her about some of the things I think I’ve been struggling with, and we practiced them together in front of the mirror.

We talked a little about CBM and CBMP in tango, and also about utilizing check steps to make the progression seem more snappy. We talked about (and practiced) staying on line of dance in V.Waltz (but coming off the line to let your partner pass you). We talked about under-turning in natural turns versus over-turning in reverse turns as ways to turn around the corners of the floor. We practiced the wisk in Waltz, and the lockstep and Chasse in Quickstep.

After the lesson, I spent some time working on all 5 dances by myself (I tried to dance through our routines as best as I could). I also got some pointers about the natural spin turn in Waltz from the owner of the studio. I was having trouble staying balanced when doing it without a partner, and he reminded me that if I really stretch my core vertically when I’m up on both toes, it’ll help me stay more balanced, help me get higher, and help me stay up longer, so I can take a nice long step after the brush. It really helped!

After all of this, my friend Brian Bercury showed up, and they all asked me if I wanted to stay for the West Coast Swing lesson. “Why not!?” So, I changed from my smooth shoes to my ballet shoes, because the instructor thought those would be better for west coast swing. It was a LOT of fun! It’s very different because you don’t move your hips laterally, and you step forward almost on a flat foot, instead of angled toe like in Rhythm/Latin. Also, there is a cross step (like the Viennese cross) for styling, but unlike in v.waltz, you don’t ever go up on your toes, so I had a little trouble trying to remember to stay flat on my feet and not rise up. The lead and follow is done through only two fingers, and it’s a very close connection. It’s based on trying to always resist your partner with your own body weight, following when the connection says you absolutely have to come or go. I guess this is probably pretty common in Latin/Rhythm, but it seemed like a more pronounced delay in west coast swing. I even danced for a few minutes with my eyes closed, and it was really really neat!

All in all, it was a wonderful night, and I feel really good! I can’t wait to take ballet tomorrow! I also can’t wait for my next private lesson in Standard! Every night this week, I’ve felt so invigorated, and I’ve just wished that I could finish the night up by having a private lesson in Standard, to just express all the wonderful feelings I have inside in the best way I know how, flying across the dance floor!

I hope I haven’t written too much. I just felt the urge to share this with you! I’m so happy to be dancing every day again!!!! And to be learning so many new types of dance! It feels wonderful! I feel more than ever like there isn’t a limit to what I can learn if I put in the effort, and have fun at the same time!

xoxo,
Layla

I bought my first pair of Ballet shoes on Monday!

Well.. That’s not entirely true. I actually ordered my first pair on Christmas day of last year. After a long backorder period, they eventually arrived, more than two weeks late, and more than two sizes too big. When they said street shoe size, apparently they didn’t mean U.S. Women’s street shoe size… Maybe they meant U.K.? Odd, since the website is based in… the USA! @_@

The funny (neat) thing about ballet shoes, is that you have to sew the ankle elastics in yourself! I guess it’s sort of like a rite-of-passage, in a way. In any case, this first time is definitely something I’ll never forget!

I went to The Studio for my first modern class, and after signing up for a 30-day membership, and chatting a little bit, I asked the owner, Sue, if I could borrow a needle and some thread to sew my ballet shoes while I was waiting for the class. She said no problem, and commented that “ballet dancers always have a needle, thread and a thimble (don’t want to bleed on your new ballet shoes!) on-hand!”

So, I started… and 30 minutes later I was done…… with the first elastic, on the first shoe. 3 more to go! There has to be an easier way! So, I go to the front desk. I ask the nice girl there if she knows a better way to sew these straps onto the inside canvas of the shoe, without sewing through to the outside of the shoe? She looks at my work. She gasps. “This is beautiful!”, she says. “…… but… I don’t think it matters if you sew through to the outside!” She proceeds to check her shoes… “yup, see, they’ve just got a single line through the elastic, from one side to the other, that goes through the outer canvas of the shoe.” Compare this to my perfect square, traced around the perimeter of the elastic, that only goes through the inner canvas, not through the outside of the shoe. Overkill! She brings my shoe into Sue’s office, and we all proceed to laugh at how beautiful and totally overboard my sewing is for the task at hand. Sue reminds me that I won’t be performing in these shoes. Then she takes out her shoes for demonstration and says “and by next week, they’ll look dirty, beat up, and be smelly.” She advises that I just do a simple line across the elastic, and definitely don’t worry about going through the canvas on the outside of the shoe. She comments again at how beautiful the first one I sewed looks. We all laugh. I feel totally relieved.

Back outside, I realize it’s time for modern class, and leave the rest of my sewing for later.

Modern class is AWESOME! Sue teaches it herself. It feels like a great yoga workout, fun dancing, and the naive curiosity and joy of being 8 years old all over again, all mis-mashed together into one class. We start with relaxing stretch. Continue to neat floor work forms (which can be done in one of many ways, depending on how adventurous you feel), and we finish up with a refreshing little choreography. I feel free. Free to act a little silly, free to make mistakes, and free to be happy. Like another layer of stress was relieved during this hour. I can’t wait until next time!

Back in the real world (the changing room), I’m sewing my ballet shoes again. This time it takes me about 10 minutes to finish the last 3 elastics… and that includes the time it took to thread the tiny hole in the needle 3 more times! They aren’t as pretty as the first one… but I remind myself that these shoes won’t be pretty for very long anyway (if I’m doing anything right at all! :)). While I’m sewing, I’m also making conversation with the other dancers. It’s so neat, everybody has a very different background, but we’re all here for some of the same reasons, and we all seem very happy. I hope to see them all again soon!

I’ve been watching the videos of Erik and I from Seacoast… I think we look pretty good in many of the dances!

Erik & Layla Videos – Seacoast 2010

This is what I thought about each of our videos from Seacoast:

m2u00235, this was our first dance, Tango, when we had just run onto the floor (I was *late*!). I still had one leg warmer on during this dance, and I’m not even in tango hold here! Talk about frazzled! But the main problem that I see is that we (I) appear to be moving very slowly, lifeless. Feeling lifeless at that hour of the morning might have had something to do with it! @_@ Shh!

m2u00236, the V.Waltz – I felt pretty good about this one.

m2u00237, the foxtrot, I think we did pretty well. Sometimes we could be smoother, but i’m still learning! I wonder if there was too much rise and fall though?

m2u00238, the quickstep. I need to hold my core together better here.

m2u00690, the Waltz, I was very happy with this dance. I made quite a few mistakes, like not turning my head out to promenade, but I think it looked very nice!

m2u00691, the 2nd tango.. I think we did much better. The twist turns looked nice, even though I was probably doing them all wrong at the time!… I was a bit slow with my head movements though.

m2u00692, 2nd v.waltz, I liked it.

m2u00693, 2nd foxtrot, I felt the same way as the first, I liked it, but I think maybe the steps after the heel turns could be longer. But all of this stuff is stuff I already know, I just need to practice practice to make it work! And I will!

m2u00694, 2nd quickstep.. biggest problem I see is still my wobbling core, and my short back steps (locksteps/chasses)… I think I learned something good tonight about how to be better on those steps… and I also realized how it can apply to the Chasse in Waltz too!

Erik & Layla - Waltz - Seacoast, 2010

Erik & Layla - Tango - Seacoast, 2010

A lot has changed in my life over the past few months since I began dancing Standard at the end of September. I’m no longer single, I’ve been dancing less overall due to my relationship, I’m no longer practicing latin, rythm, or smooth (for now), I had two coaching sessions, I learned all 5 standard dances, I purchased my first standard competition dress, I performed both a Waltz and a Quickstep at my dance studio, I made the finals in my Standard single-dances  in Las Vegas, I had a basically forced 2-weeks off from dance over Christmas break, I had a lesson with a different instructor (Erik is on vacation), and I ordered some ballet shoes online on Christmas day.

In the past few weeks since Vegas, I’ve found myself doing some thinking about how my study of dance has been going, what I can do to enjoy my journey more, and how I can better approach my time dancing each week. Recently, I’ve for the most part been taking private lessons in one style (Standard), with one teacher. I’ve also been practicing on my own; but I have found it much more difficult to practice alone in Standard than say Rhythm. I have absorbed most of my routines into my muscle memory, such that I can, for the most part, dance them solo; however, I don’t feel like I’ve learned enough “verbal technique” to really make a lot of changes for the better on my own. In Rhythm, I was much more sure of what I should be doing; how and where I should be moving in a form. In Standard, while I’m able to dance quite well with Erik (much better than in Rhythm or Latin), I’ve learned the vast majority of what I am able to perform through simply dancing with him, not through being verbally/visibly instructed in technique, in a step-by-step manner. In some ways, I suppose this is a good thing; but, it does make it much more difficult to self-critique, outside of closed dance hold (I can self-critique when we’re dancing together).

Given all of this, I think that I have a few goals for this year.

#1. I want to feel more challenged. This might sound silly, because improving is always a challenge; but, I find repeating the same routine over and over to be more of an incremental challenge, especially when I don’t always have a conscious knowledge of where we are trying to go, or what improvements we are trying to make. It feels somewhat like trying to incrementally refine by rote. Not to say it isn’t fun at all; but, I think that I would like to feel more diversity in the ways we approach learning. I’d like to dance the dances faster than we should, slower than we should, sometimes focus on moving my legs farther (while being smooth), other times leave the routine entirely. I’d like to have him improvise, and also, to have him spend more time teaching me forms in the way that they’re instructed in a group class — basics first, showing me why it has to be done the way it has to be done, so I can gain a deeper understanding, and so I’ll have a better ability to practice alone outside of class. I really want him to push me, I don’t want our lessons to feel like a slow ride through a familiar park.

Update  (Jan 2, 2010): I told Erik the things I wrote above for #1 today at the beginning of our lesson, and he took it seriously. Boy, was it a workout! He pushed me very hard, doing all sorts of new steps (silver+, I think), completely without a routine in Waltz. I just did my best to keep up, and I think I did pretty well! It felt amazing! We went through all the dances but quickstep, and I felt thoroughly exhausted, extremely HAPPY, and a deep sense of accomplishment at the end of the lesson. In other good news, I also did #5 (I stretched before and after the lesson), and that felt great too!

#2. I’d like to periodically take lessons from other instructors. I think my instructor is great, but I think that sometimes somebody else can teach the exact same concept, in a different way, and something that seemed confusing can suddenly make sense. Also, the more different people I become accustomed to dancing with, the better I’ll be, generally, at following (if I dance too much with one person, I have a tendency to start to predict what they’re going to do, instead of truly following).

#3. Take group classes. For the same reasons mentioned above, group classes provide another angle, and another style of learning. They supplement private lessons, provide challenges in the way of new and unpredictable dance partners, and give a different angle of insight into what you’re learning. I don’t see private lessons as being a replacement for other forms of learning, but rather, as all forms being important in their own ways. Very unfortunately, my studio doesn’t offer Standard group classes; but, I have found two other studios in the area which do, so it looks like Monday nights @ 8:15 I can take Standard group classes in Newton, and Tuesday/Wednesday nights @ 8:15, I can take Standard group classes in Woburn. I may need to reschedule my private lessons to accommodate this new group class schedule.

#4. Study other styles. I ordered Ballet shoes, so the first dance style I plan to take up is Ballet. I think that it will be very fun, and also help my flexibility and posture, among many other things. I don’t want to become trapped in only one style, as I have recently drifted towards. Also, I think that diversity is a great way to cross-train, and that each different style will likely have a positive effect on each other style. Eventually, I think I’d like to also study Argentine Tango, Modern, Belly Dance, and to resume my study of Smooth, Latin and Rhythm. I’m not going to try to jump into studying them all at once, but when the time seems right to try something different, I know I’ve got a lot to look forward to! 🙂

#5. Warm-up and Cool-down. Once upon a time, when I was single, I used to arrive at the dance studio an hour before my lessons, and never leave less than an hour after my lessons. I always had a full warm-up and cool-down, and I feel that it improved my dancing, and my physical fitness (flexibility especially). Lately, I’ve been skipping most of my warm-up and cool-down, and I feel like my body is paying the price. I think I should change this in the new year. Maybe I don’t need to be as extreme as I was when I was single, but I think I should make more time for it than I have recently.

#6. To unlearn my bad habit of looking in the mirror while dancing standard. It doesn’t help!

Getting ready to dance in Las Vegas!

Getting ready to dance in Las Vegas!

I stumbled upon this “Ten Tips in Ten Minutes that Result in Ten Times Better Dancing”

All ten tips really are  that important. #7-10 I have learned previously, though of course I could benefit from more formal practice with most of them, especially #9. #1-6  I have heard before, and known in some capacity, but I have only really started to formally develop this week (starting when I started dancing standard exactly a week ago, then continuing with my coaching session last Monday, and really working at it a lot today).

While you can watch these ten tips in ten minutes, it seems to me that it could take ten 24-hour days to master them all! I guess I’ve put between 3-4 hours into numbers 1-6 this week (not counting any time I spent trying to maintain a frame with the air when practicing alone), and while everything made great logical sense when I heard it before (especially during the coaching session), and while I was able to do most of it for short periods of time during the coaching session, it is taking much longer than that to become fluent, so to speak.

There is a lot involved, and I must have learned 10 things today, on a much deeper level, that I didn’t really grasp in a physical sense before. I may have grasped them theoretically, but seeing it and having my body replicate it were two different things.

A great example is the connection during closed dance hold. You have to maintain that arm to arm frame up at the top with both arms. And when one side moves, the other side should move, equal and opposite. But I made many mistakes putting all of this together while dancing. At first, I was actually bringing that movement out of my lower back, instead of my upper back. This resulted in a sort of rigid uniform turning action of my upper body. I thought both sides were moving, but they were really just passively moving around. What I really should have been doing (and eventually learned), was actively using each half of my upper-back, working together, one side going forward, and the other side going back. It may not seem obvious, but this is a very different movement than simply twisting the lower back in response to the connection. And, this is really the root of maintaining the connection — it is the upper back that pushes the arms outward into the connection (the arms themselves shouldn’t be doing that work).

And actually, the lower back is involved too, as are the hips, knees, etc. When the leader applies pressure on the connection, I should respond, moving one half of my upper back in response to that pressure, and the other half in the opposite direction (one side forward, one side back). My spine should twist going down to my hips, which should also twist and lower in a similar manner, and twist and lower my knees as well. My whole body should perform this synchronized twisting and lowering action in unison (without my feet actually moving). Though, the upper body is not actually lowering, it is staying up. Only the lower body is lowering. It’s a bit overwhelming to put down in words.

What I just described is only a subset of what I learned today, and a smaller subset of the mistakes I made. I’m also not yet perfect at maintaining this connection, and doing everything as I’ve said it. I’m much much improved, and I can now do it most of the time, but it still falls apart after a while. I anticipate that it will take many more hours of practice before nobody will be able to pick at low hanging mistake-fruit on my closed dance hold/connection tree. 🙂

As much as it can be (is often) frustrating to spend hours upon hours practicing this technical stuff, instead of actually *dancing* and feeling that wonderful release where you feel less like a human and more like a bird when moving across the floor, I don’t regret focusing on it. I see it as a mountain to climb, and I know that it will be a long journey, but it is beyond this obstacle that I will be able to truly float across the dance floor, much more gracefully than I do now. I can wait — I know the wait is so very worth it! 😀

I started dancing International Standard for the first time on Saturday. Erik and I are planning to compete in the standard scholarship in Las Vegas this December. The scholarships are different at each competition, and in Vegas, the standard scholarship is a 3-dance, consisting of Quickstep, Foxtrot and Waltz.

We started with Quickstep. Erik taught me the basic steps, the rise and fall, the lock step action, the chasse, etc. And during this, I almost immediately started giggling. It was just intensely FUN! I’ve felt for some time now that I would really enjoy Standard, and that Viennese Waltz and Quick Step would become some of my most favorite dances, and I don’t think I was wrong on either count!

I’ve been dreaming and thinking about Quick Step ever since, and I actually even got to dance some that same night at Ryles (never did I ever think they’d play Quick Step at Ryles)! I have this very deep wish that I could just dance it with Erik all day long!

The cool news is that we’re scheduled for a standard/smooth coaching session tomorrow night, so I’ll get to dance it again soon, and should get some really great, and very technical feedback on how I can improve. And that is super exciting, because it will give me a better understanding of how to do better, which will give me more to focus on and work on, more pieces of the puzzle to put together in just the right way — bringing me great joy all along the journey, and also bringing me closer to my goal of dancing like Erik and Victoria do in the videos (of the same name [not chris & joan rumba]) here:

http://www.dancesizzle.com/CompetitionVideo/tabid/53/Default.aspx?path=2008%20Competitions!Supershag!Friday%2015th%20August%202008

Watching them dance just makes me feel happy. That really is the kind of dancing I aspire to; to be able to at the same time feel completely full of joy, and also radiate that same feeling to everyone watching.

And, on top of their dancing, the dress Victoria is wearing is even the exact sort of dress I envision myself feeling comfortable in (one day, when I reach that point :)) – very elegant, minimally flashy/minimally revealing – simply beautiful.